A Meeting with the Headmaster
by omelettethemusical
Summary: Snape decides he can't take another minute at Hogwarts. Can Dumbledore persuade him to change his mind?


_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter (duh)._

* * *

Snape celebrated his seventeenth birthday at Mulciber's house. He, Avery, and Regulus were all there. Snape knew there was no chance of having a party at his own house, and Mulciber very generously volunteered to host it. It was as much to celebrate the rise of the Dark Lord and their plan to join him as it was of Snape's coming of age. Mulciber and Avery showed off their Dark Marks to Snape and Regulus, and the younger Slytherins even got to try on their masks. Snape felt like he was getting his first real taste of adulthood.

When he came back home, Snape found his mother waiting for him at the door. She welcomed him inside but did not speak to him. Eileen hardly ever spoke anymore. Her emotional state had worsened over the years, and Snape did not know what to do.

About a week later, Snape came back to Hogwarts. And on his very first day back, to his horror, he saw the worst thing he could imagine: Lily Evans snogging James Potter in the corridor.

He raised his wand to curse James, but then drew back, considering how Lily would react to him using Dark magic in front of her - and on her new boyfriend, no less. He spent the rest of the day seething, unable to concentrate on his classes. He tried to convince himself that he was having a nightmare, but no matter how many times he pinched himself, he didn't wake up.

It was after one of his potions exploded in Slughorn's class, making a mess all over him, that he knew what he had to do.

After class, Slughorn pulled him aside to his desk.

"Severus, is something going on?" he asked sympathetically. "This just isn't like you. Do you want to tell me about it? Maybe I can help."

"I want to quit Hogwarts," said Snape abruptly. "I can't take another day here."

"Well, that's very sudden," said Slughorn, quite taken aback.

"It's been a long time coming."

"Is there anything I can do to persuade you to - "

"No."

"Well," said Slughorn, "you are seventeen now, correct? And you have done extraordinarily well in all your classes. I don't see why you shouldn't be allowed to leave a semester early. But if you are not planning to complete your Hogwarts education, Professor Dumbledore does insist that you have a private meeting with him to discuss things."

Snape made a face. Slughorn frowned. He knew how well Snape's last encounter with Dumbledore had gone.

"Fine. I'll do it."

"Very well then. I'll talk to him and we can set up a time as soon as possible."

* * *

That evening right after dinner, when the students came back to their common rooms, Slughorn took Snape aside and told him that Dumbledore could meet him right then. So without another word, Snape went off upstairs to the headmaster's office, wary that James Potter might be lurking under the invisibility cloak, or that he and Lily had wandered off to snog some more. Finally he arrived in front of the stone griffin, and as soon as he raised his hand to knock, the door opened for him.

"Severus," said the headmaster. "Come in."

As Snape walked in, he avoided Dumbledore's gaze, for he had heard that Dumbledore was an excellent Legilimens. He had always tried not to attract attention to himself, to do anything that would make Dumbledore remember him. After all, they said that Dumbledore was the only one the Dark Lord ever feared. The Dark Lord would not want a follower who was well-known to Dumbledore. But, Snape told himself, if he did this he would be able to join the Dark Lord six months earlier. And after this, he would never have to deal with Dumbledore again.

"Sit down."

Snape obeyed.

"Look at me."

Snape hesitated, but obeyed. It was terrifying. Nothing got past those blue eyes, he knew it. He felt like a bug pinned underneath a magnifying glass. He prayed this meeting would be short. He tried to keep his gaze steady, not show any signs of fear or weakness.

"So," Dumbledore said, folding his hands on his desk in that passive-aggressive way of his. "Professor Slughorn tells me that you wish to leave Hogwarts."

Snape nodded, fearing his voice might give him away.

"This is very sudden, especially coming on the first day of the new term. Has something come up?"

"Yes," said Snape curtly.

"And what might that be?"

"I hardly think that's any of your business," Snape said defiantly.

"It is my business," said Dumbledore. "The well-being of everyone under this roof is my business."

"Look, I think you know what it is, don't you?" Snape shouted. "Why don't you just say it?"

"The Head Boy and Head Girl have started dating," said Dumbledore.

"Why on earth did you make Potter Head Boy?" Snape demanded. "You wanted this to happen!"

"I admit that I have a penchant for playing matchmaker with my students," Dumbledore said with a faint smile. "Does this displease you?"

Snape only glared in response. He clutched the seat of his chair.

"You knew… Lily and I… were friends… and I hated Potter…"

"So," said Dumbledore, "to summarize, you want to leave Hogwarts because you cannot stand to see James Potter and Lily Evans together."

Snape nodded vehemently.

"Have you tried talking to her?"

"She doesn't want to see me."

"And what about your friends in Slytherin?"

"They're all going off to… do bigger and better things."

"Come on, Severus, we both know what is really happening. Your friends are going off to become followers of Lord Voldemort. And you want to join them."

"Maybe I do," Snape said, "what are you going to do about it? This seed has been growing inside your school for decades, and what have you done to stop it? Don't sit there and pretend like you care if I become a Death Eater or not. What's one more, right? What's one more nasty little Slytherin going off to do nasty Slytherin things? I'd only be proving you right, wouldn't I?"

"Severus, I fear that by joining the Death Eaters you would be biting off quite a bit more than you could chew. I do not have the opportunity to meet with every student, but I am taking this opportunity with you to try to dissuade you from making the biggest mistake of your life."

"I've already made the biggest mistake of my life. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Severus, if you think that joining Lord Voldemort will impress Lily Evans, you are sadly mistaken."

"I know she'll never look at me again. You think I'm an idiot?"

"No, Severus," said Dumbledore. "I have seen your OWL results, I have seen your professors' comments about you, and I think you are many things, but an idiot is certainly not one of them. However, like many brilliant people, you do have blind spots that can lead you down very dangerous paths."

"I was distracted," said Snape. "No longer. My whole life has been leading up to this, I can't let anything stop me."

"Sometimes the things we first see as distractions prove to be the things that save us."

"I don't need to be 'saved', Dumbledore," Snape retorted. "What are you going to do if I tell you that I'm going to become a Death Eater and my mind's made up? Are you going to kill me in your office, right here, right now? Are you going to Imperius me until I admit I was wrong?"

"No," said Dumbledore. "I would prefer you changed your mind out of your own free will."

"And what if I don't? Did you try asking the Dark Lord to change his mind?"

"No. But you are not Voldemort, I am quite sure of that."

"You realize that if you prevent me from leaving for this term, I'm only going to be angrier when I do leave. More determined to defy you."

"I do realize that. But maybe you'll have a chance to think things over."

"I've done all the thinking I need to do. How can I think when Lily and Potter are parading around the school with their faces glued together for everyone to see?"

"I cannot prevent you from leaving, Severus. You are of age. But if you do leave, there are so many things to which you could lend your prodigious talents that would be better choices than Voldemort."

"This is war," said Snape. "Everyone has to pick a side."

"Then the choice is yours," said Dumbledore. "You can be on the side of Lily Evans, or you can be on the side of the people who think wizards and witches like her don't deserve to live."

"Lily Evans doesn't want me on her side," said Snape. "Neither do James Potter and Sirius Black. Why would I team up with people who hate me?"

"You are a half-blood, correct? And you are hoping to join an army of mostly pure-bloods, who believe that anyone with Muggle blood is inferior?"

"It appears I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place," said Snape. "I have to pick the side that will be the best for me in the long run."

"How very Slytherin of you, Severus. However, I think that even Voldemort's most dedicated pure-blood followers may eventually find that he is not the best thing for them in the long run."

"He's been on the rise for over a decade, and shows no signs of slowing down."

"So did Gellert Grindelwald."

"The Dark Lord has gone farther than anyone else in his quest to conquer death," Snape recited proudly.

"That's what they said about Grindelwald."

"The Dark Lord is a better version of Grindelwald!" Snape declared. "You defeated Grindelwald, but you have not defeated the Dark Lord! The only way to stop him is to kill him, and he cannot be killed!"

"I would not be so sure about that, Severus. I think you will find that everyone meets death, often on the road they take to avoid it."

"Well," said Snape, "if you have nothing further to say, I am going to leave."

"Severus," said Dumbledore, "I know how fascinated you are by magic, how you long to push it to its limits. Have you ever heard of the magical properties of love?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Some of the Unspeakables in the Department of Mysteries believe," Dumbledore said, "that under the right circumstances, a person could survive even the Killing Curse, if someone willingly died for them out of love."

"Do you believe that?"

"I am certainly open to the idea. I hope it is never tested."

"Why are you telling me this?" Snape demanded. "What does this have to do with what we were talking about?"

"Because," Dumbledore said, "Voldemort has never been loved by anyone, and therefore he has never loved. He does not understand love and seeks only to exploit it in others, as a weakness."

"Love is a weakness," Snape snarled. "How do you know what the Dark Lord thinks and feels? What does it matter if he loves or doesn't love?"

"Because," said Dumbledore, "you love Lily Evans."

Snape froze.

"So?"

"So you have a power that Voldemort knows not. If he finds out, he will use it against you. He will be unable to fathom something so deep, so unerring."

"So what you're saying," said Snape, "is that I should change the entire course of my life, because you have a theory that love is magical."

"You should change the course of your life," said Dumbledore, "for your own safety if nothing else. Voldemort is no more merciful towards his followers than towards his enemies."

Snape narrowed his eyes. "Are you calling me a coward?"

"No. But sometimes bravado can be as destructive as fear. While it is bad to obsessively fear death, it is also bad to not value one's own life."

"My decision is final," said Snape. "Apparently 'love' is the best you had. I should have known. Well, Dumbledore, I'll believe in the power of love when I see some evidence for it. So far it's brought me nothing but trouble, and I don't care to be reminded of that every single day." And with that, he turned and left Dumbledore's office, not even looking back as he left Hogwarts for what he believed to be forever.

Dumbledore smiled, even as a tear trickled down his face. He just hoped Snape would see the evidence sooner rather than later.


End file.
